dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
I am puke
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
