im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
