He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
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The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
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What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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