i just google imaged poop.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
