so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
