New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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