how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
