So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
