My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
