Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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