I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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