i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I have aggressive nipples.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
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