it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
then he tried to convert me to islam
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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