he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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