I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
