i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
