She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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