the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize
