Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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