Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
She told me I should be a condom model.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
