Only a mothe r could love this liver
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
