just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
