On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
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