What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
They took my balls.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
