Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
