Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
Randomize
