I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
