So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
