bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Randomize
