so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
