I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
