dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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