Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
