I love black thongs
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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