I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
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When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
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He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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