All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
