I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize