Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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