I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
