I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
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