i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
