omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
