College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
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