apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
