How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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