I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
he was CRYING into my vagina
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
