I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
