so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
there is glitter all over my balls
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
