YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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