my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
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Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
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I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
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