I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
