It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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