That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
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