dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
