When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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