So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I'm like, not good at living.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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