Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Your cock deserves a montage
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
