i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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