He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
