Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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