I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
