i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
