I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
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Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
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Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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