Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
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