This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Randomize
