did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
