Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
