My girlfriend figured out who you are.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
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