So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
