She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
